When you're the victim of stalkers you ask yourself, why? What is so special about me that I would have a stalker, or in my case, two! I'm not a movie star or a public figure so why me? Then you look at who the stalkers are and the reasons you think they are stalking you and the answer is clear. These are people from my past who I have completely cut ties with and for some reason they don't have the closure they need. Even though everything was said, all the reasons were made clear why our relationship couldn't continue, they still have to follow you around. It's sad really but also a bit scary.
In one case, the case of my second ex-husband, his stalking was getting scary. He stalked me for months after we broke up and followed me to places we both use to go. He would ask anyone he knew about me to find out what I was doing. He'd call me on the phone constantly, email me all the time, show up unannounced, left notes and letters on my car at work and even call my co-workers and family to try and get to me. I had to call the police several times but that didn't really stop him. The immediate contact stopped but then I would run into him, perhaps by accident, and he would always seem to know what was going on with me which was evidence he was still asking people about me and perhaps finding ways through social networks to track me. It's been 5 years since we split and it still happens on occasion. I have tried every effort to block him from sending me email or finding me on Facebook, and still, he manages to find out about me. I'd be lying if I said all of this didn't affect me after all this time because it does. I don't go out to any of the places we used to go anymore. I'm always looking around when I go out, always a little paranoid. I don't feel settled here, don't make new friends, I even put off looking for work because I just don't want to get a job and find out there is a mutual person I have to work with that knows him which I'm afraid will start the stalking all over again. Is this what he wanted in the first place? To make me feel this way so he can't help be on my mind, even if it's in a negative way? I think this is exactly what stalkers want...ATTENTION...any way they can get it.
Earlier I mentioned that I have TWO stalkers. This is true. This stalker was my best friend for 25 years and then she wasn't. Her stalking was not as intrusive or scary but just as disturbing to me. About 15 years ago we ended our friendship, I won't go into details here but I was the one who broke it off. My friend reacted by writing me a long letter where she acted like she had no idea why I had to terminate the friendship, it was 13 page rant. Then the drunken phone calls started. She even went so far as to contact my mother to find out how to get in touch with me after I moved and changed my number. That didn't go on for long and then it seemed to stop...until I became a member of Facebook a few years ago. She looked me up and sent me a Facebook message acting so glad to have found me and updating me on her family, etc, like nothing had happened. I never responded and I blocked her. Although I though I had set up my privacy properly there were some holes and she was able to find me so I went though them all again. Finally I thought that was the end of it until about a year ago when I started writing this blog. I guess I was a little cocking thinking that there are tones of blogs out there and who would bother trying to find mine but she did. I can only imagine that is was on a drunken bender that she decided to seek me out and comment on every entry in my blog. I say "drunken" because who would spend hours late at night into the wee hours of the morning commenting on dozens of entries if they weren't in some way impaired. The comments were weird to say the least and she would find ways of making digs at me bringing up past issues but some entries were somewhat normal. Still, it was very disturbing to know that after all this time she felt the need to perhaps Google me and look into every Amanda Ford she could to find out which one was me and uncover my blog. Perhaps she just happened to find me on Gmail where my blog lives, perhaps she has a Gmail account. However she found me it doesn't matter, I have had to block my blog from the world. There was no way to block one person on this site, it's all or nothing and it became nothing. The thought of her reading my blog was paramount to someone reading your diary. I know that sounds weird since a blog is out there for all to read but you usually write a blog because you don't care if strangers read it and the only other people you think would care would be real friends and family that are in your corner and want to be encouraging and supportive. When I say good-bye to someone in my life for whatever reason, I don't expect them to seek me out year after year to find out what I'm doing or try and contact me. It was in the past and these "stalkers" need to let it go and move on with their life or get therapy because if they haven't gotten closure by now they need professional help.
So, with that being said, I've now reopened my blog. I love to write and it's a way to connect with family and friends that don't live close by who want to be supportive of my writing and my life. I have set up new privacy that won't allow anyone to post a comment on my blog without my approval so those who want to share their bitter and spiteful thoughts, needn't bother. I can take constructive criticism about my comments or writing and I welcome it and will post those entries but I think most "normal" people know the difference.
Ladies and Gentlemen... WORDSTOGOBUY is open for business!
