Christmas 2010

Well we're coming to the close of another year and this Christmas has been interesting so far. Just had my "Ford Family Christmas" at my house and it was a great time. My place is so small and there were 13 people stuffed in here but we managed it somehow. Of course there was too much food but really..can you have too much? LOL  

So, here's hoping everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Oh ya, and here's hoping everyone looking for work right now (like me) finds something really, really soon!

Love ya all! xoxo

Dreams

I dreamed I was flying

far above the sea

Floating on the fairest wind

just my dreams and me.

No one else around me

to tell me where to land

Just the sun to guide me

and give a helpful hand.

The peace I felt was amazing

like a spirit on a breeze

I would have loved to stay there

but then I saw the trees.

My dreams had reached reality

and it was time to open my eyes

I pray I dream again tonight

of my heaven in the skies.

The Weight

Every ounce of sadness
is like a knife inside my soul
And with every pound of flesh
I try, without hope, to cover the hole.

And even though I wish
I could cut it all away
I'm not ready to let it go
Until I'm stronger, some day.

Right now I have a shield
to protect me from the cold
So until I trust myself again
it gives me something to hold.

I stuff it down like the weight of the world
hoping to feel its fullness
Someday I'll set it free again
as God is my witness.

I Thought Why Not

I've been posting my poems on here and Facebook for awhile now and decided it was time to put them in a book. I thought, why not?

So, that's what I called my book. In order to share it with visitors to this Blog I had to find a way to create a link for it.  The internet is amazing because there is a way to do everything.  I went to a recommended site call DocStoc.com and voila, my book in Word format is there for everyone to read.  Cool!

I've posted the link on the left side of my blog but here it is also:

http://www.docstoc.com/docs/59439294/Poetry-by-Amanda-Ford

Enjoy!

Update to Long Lost Letter

I promised I would get back to you on life happenings since I last wrote in July so here goes:

May - Mother's Day Gift (Phone)
- Phone out of box
- Phone hooked up
- Phone not loud enough to hear conversation, according to mother
- Phone back in box
- Phone now lives in my closet
- *SIGH*

July
- Brother has hernia surgery, successful.

August
- Visited Bowmanville and Peterborough - survived
- Daughter returns from South Korea! Yeah!

September
- Sister-in-law's mother lost her battle with cancer..RIP Jeanne, Sept 1, 2010
- Due to unforeseen circumstances, updating mother's place has been postponed until further notice.
- Sister came to Ktown - we laughed, we sang, we shopped, we rocked - good times!
- Looking for Job - ongoing.

Well, that should bring you up-to-date.  Have nothing really planned in the near future so I'll update blog as I go.  Talk to you soon!  

...Amanda

Bumper Cars

I started off Pretty in Pink
till I hit Stormy Blue
Now I'm just covered
in a dark purple hue.

Bump, bump, bumper cars
I've been hit so many times
I'm only seeing stars!

I tried to heal the purple
by running hard into red
but I just ended up bloody
with a broken heart instead.

Bump, bump, bumper cars
I've been hit for a long time
there's way too many scars.

Life's full of false starts
and crazy, sudden stops
I end up stuck in the middle
until my head just pops!

Bump, bump, bumper car
I keep trying to drive outta here
but I just don't get too far.

Amanda's Warm Spinach and Mushroom Salad

I just thought I would share with you a recipe I just came up with.  It was born out of a desire to taste a warm dressing on a spinach salad.  I recall having one once but could never duplicate it.  Well, here's my attempt to satisfy a craving and I think you might like it too.

First, take 1/4 cup of Kraft's Classic Herb salad dressing and put it in a deep fry pan on medium heat.  Stir in 1 cup of sliced mushrooms and saute until the dressing is bubbling and cooking the mushrooms, reducing them in size.  You may find medium high heat may work better here.

Second, when mushrooms are done to your liking, remove from heat until dressing stops bubbling and it's cooled a bit.  Not too much as you still want it to be warm.

Third, stir in 5oz bag of baby spinach.  Use tongs and toss continually until well mixed.

Forth, you can either sprinkle on parmesan cheese or crumple in fetta cheese and top with a sliced hard boiled egg.

Voila! Done!  Serves approx 2-3 people as a side salad or 1 person as a meal.  Enjoy!

Long Lost Letter

As you can tell, it's been some time since I wrote in my blog.  Sort of feels like a third child.  You have all the best intentions of keeping up with it and paying as much attention to it as your other projects but somehow, life gets in the way.

Well, I'm here to change that and promise to dedicate more time to this wayward child so it doesn't become one of the forgotten ones.

Let's see, it's been a few months since I've been here to update the void as to the exciting world I live it.  Hmmm...I can see why I haven't written...not very much as happened but I will let you be the judge.

From April - May 2010
- stayed depressed about being out of work, gained weight (no surprise there)
- bought my mother a new phone for Mother's day, only to be met with resistance to any new technology, you know, different coloured buttons to push or something like that.  (update: as of this post, new phone still in box..*sigh*)

From May - June 2010
- found out daughter's partner had a cancerous growth and has to come back from South Korea to have it taken out.
- found out sister in-law's mother is sick with cancer again
- found out sister in-law has to have ovaries out so she won't get cancer like her mother
- all in all, NOT a good news month

From June - July 2010
- sister retired from 31yrs working as an educator and principle. Good for her!
- son had college graduation from the Music Industry Arts program at Fanshawe College in London.  Very proud mom here!
- daughter's partner back in Canada, had surgery, results successful, thank God.
- sister in-law's mother is not doing so well but is trying chemo again in hopes of helping
- sister in-law's surgery was a little more complicated than anticipated but she is on the mend, thank God.
- found out my brother has to have a hernia operation end of the month.  When will it ever end?!
- Went to Calgary during the Calgary Stampede to visit a friend and had a great time, however, made a rather dishonorable dismount off my horse and bruised some ribs.  Both ribs and pride, still recuperating. 

Well I believe this brings us up to date.  Here are some future plans that I promise to report on as they happen:

- planning a visit to Bowmanville and Peterborough
- daughter arrives back home from a year in South Korea!
- family schedules time to update mother's living quarters with new paint and flooring
- sister comes to visit me in Ktown! Look out people!
- I attempt to find a new job (oh Lord!)


Until next time...be safe and happy! xoxo

Horizon

There is a place, a space
an envelope of time
Before the sun burns it away
and the night hides its crime.

Everything here is silent
a motionless endlessness
A floating, frozen precipice 
hanging over the nothingness.

But now the Horizon speaks in a whisper
only I can hear
"Come to me, enter me,
 there is nothing of me to fear". 

Without warning, I feel its pull 
I'm like a passionate lover
who can't wait to be taken
Never wanting it to be over.

Just living in the bliss
of this place, this space
An endless climax
without a body, without a face.

Stripped of all humanity
just some atoms in the eve
I give myself to the Horizon
So, now I can never, ever, leave.

There is a place, a space
an envelope of time
Before the sun burns it away
and the night hides its crime.

There's Love Left In Me

In their eyes
I’ve failed miserably
To find that one
Love of my life

Something always happened
And it always ended
I guess I wasn’t cut out
To be their wife.

But there’s love left in me
And I’m not done living
So I’ll keep looking
For the one who makes my life complete.

I’ve been alone
Many times along my path
And there’s no shame in that
I just can’t help feel
That’s not how it should be.

So if God has a plan
Well, I can leave it in His hands
But I pray I can see
The signs He leaves for me.

Cause there’s love left in me
And I’m not done living
So I’ll keep looking
For the one who makes my life complete.

I know he’s out there
I can feel it in my bones
Someone who’s love is true
And who wants me too.

Cause there’s love left in me
And I’m not done living
So if you’re the one I’m looking for
Let God know, you’re the one to make my life complete.

Bad Company

We gave and gave
and all you did
was take.

You justified it
by paying for our time
but it's still a heart break.

I guess the time
we spent together
meant more to me.

You just turned
out to be
A bad company.

Years and years
of our dedication
But what thanks
did we get?

You never blinked
an eye
You weren't even upset.

It's clear, I was just a number
Now you don't have
to count me.

You just turned 
out to be
A bad company.

Well don't you
worry your little 
corporate head.

We're all fine
and we're not 
dead.

While we're
flying and free,

You'll still be
a bad company.

Wicked Slumber

Whirling thoughts, disjointed dreams, what I wouldn't give for a good night's sleep.
Just a quiet slumber where my mind doesn't make a peep.

Drifting into a coma, would be a blessing to me.
Can't think of a better state of mind for there to be.

They say, "there's no rest for the wicked", so I guess I got what's coming to me.
Forever sleepless nights and tortured imagery.

Oh Hell be damned, bring on the flames.
It's time I admit it, I'm the one to blame.

My own purgatory, the devil's got nothing on me.
I did it to myself, even the blind could see.

Now that I've accepted the reason for my restless nights, the only question I ask myself is,
"What glorious nightmare can I dream up tonight?"

Lyrics by Amanda Ford, soon to be put to music by Jeff Hamm

It Happens

Although I know that there are bigger losses in one's life than your job, it's still a shock when it happens.  In my case, I suspected it was coming since many changes had already occurred and I was sure more were on the horizon.  Still, this was much sooner than I had anticipated and like a death, never quite prepared.

The supportive friends and relatives will tell me it's for the best and a "new day will dawn", "there's a light at the end of the tunnel", "think positive and don't look back", etc, etc, etc.  It's not just my personal loss but a loss for all those in my department and right now, I'm sad, I'm mad and I'm depressed just as much for them. They all had hopes, made plans and thought they had finally found their work home and family.  Now, we are all forced to choose different paths that will mean a lot of change, again. 

Unfortunately, it's a fact of life and in the words of one of my favorite Sugarland songs...

"Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over think it
Let go, laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand it
The irrefutable, indisputable fact is
Pshhhhh, it happens!"

New Laptop

Ok, I’m doing some fooling around with my new laptop and I hope to have this down soon.  It’s a new experience for me and so far I’m figuring it out as I go.  Just trying to get all the buttons to go to the right places to make things faster for me.

I’m looking forward to writing a lot with it and in many places too.  Got to take this show on the road as it were.  Well, it’s getting late..or early if you want to quibble about the time.  I must get off here before I can’t see straight and mess this thing up.  I have to say I’m loving it so far!

Goodnight…from the old dog that just learned a new trick!

Labour of Love - dedicated to Jordan & Kyle

I have a couple of friends who have a toddler and now a set of twins.  I can only imagine what their day is like with no sleep, no time to even shower or talk to each other, just a constant string of feedings and diaper changes.  So, for them, I dedicate this poem. They are the strongest, most loving people ever, even if they don't feel it right now!  Love you guys!

Labour of Love

You recall the excitement
when you heard the news
You recall the fear
when you heard there were two!

You got through it
the first time
And there were hills to climb
with strength you didn't know you had
and he is beautiful and fine.

Now you are feeling
tired, sometimes defeated and weak
Just a constant circle of work
never ending and kind of bleak.

There is no instant pay-off
for the gift that keeps on giving
And I'm sure, at times, you think,
is this living?

But don't despair, my dear friends
you know God up above
Will shower you with blessings 
for your Labour of Love.

You guys Rock!!

...And She Waits

Like a cliche
she wonders through her house
touching the framed memories
with her fingertips

Her gaze lands on the windowed door
where he once stood
looking at her, lovingly
and patiently as she made her way
to open it

...and she waits

For the day when he may return
as a surprise like a package
with a bow

The phone rings
and for a moment
she holds hope in her heart
that it is he, but
sadly, it is not

...and she waits

Every day
she checks her
various sources of mail
and message taking 
devices
For any word that
he may still be thinking of
her

Feeling long since forgotten
she makes a pact with herself
to get on with her life
to mend her broken heart
she swears tomorrow
will be different

...and she waits
 

Dear Lost Love ♥

I remember the love we shared and I will never forget it. Sometimes I wish I could then I wouldn't miss you so much on a day like today.

A part of me hopes you are happily celebrating this Valentine's day with someone new.  Of course, a part of me wishes you missed me too and were wondering what I was doing today.

Since love doesn't always stay the way we want it too, we know whatever we had, had it's day and is done.  Still, I can't help look around and see reminders of the love we shared in the small gifts you had given me during the time we were together.  They remind me, both of the beautiful love and the heartbreaking pain.  

Some would wonder why I don't put them away but I need to see them to remind myself that there can be great love again.  The pain that goes with it, reminds me not to rush into love until I can bear the risk...and that's ok.

Happy Valentine's Day to all the brave hearts. ♥

This "Love" Day

Today, many people are 
caught up in the romantic
Love of the day

Cards, flowers, candy, dinners and diamonds
all purchased in honor of
This "Love" Day

For those of us who are alone
or without a significant other
we will not participate in this day
in the same way

Instead, some of us will choose
to be heartbroken about a lost love,
stuck in the past in a continual loop

But for me, I choose
to live in the present,
love my children, family and friends
and, for a change, myself

I will not live in a dream state
wishing for a love that may never come
but, if it does, I will welcome it and
add that love to all the others in my life
and celebrate This "Love" Day again

FIRE!!

A four letter word that when shouted out can hold more fear and power than almost any other.

Last night, "Fire" claimed a home in my neighborhood.  Thankfully, it did not claim a life.  Still, the devastation and lost that family must be feeling, I can only imagine.

Of course it's only human nature to feel some relief that it didn't happen to you.  However, the close proximity makes it much more real than reading of a similar fate on the other side of the city or in another town.

Perhaps we need to have these wake-up calls every now and then when we become too complacent in our own lives.  I'm certainly awake now and I think it's time I stopped procrastinating and replaced the battery in my smoke alarm!

Orchestration

Where would I be?
if I didn't have you
My heart, my soul, my perfect place
You are my rhythm
I am your song.

Together, our music is intoxicating
The sound of our love
plays like a symphony
and is so mesmerizing
I can't go without it for long.

This kind of addiction
has no want of an intervention
Why should we stop?
This power of our expression
just can't ever be wrong.

So, each day I love you
will be the orchestration of my life
The arrangement of my steps
The lyrics and melodies
I choose to hear until I'm gone.

Groundhog Day

Today is the celebration of Groundhog Day.  The day in which this side of the world waits for a specific groundhog to come out of it's hole to either see his shadow and run back down to sleep for another 6 weeks of winter, or, to stay out to bask in the sunlight with not a shadow in sight as if to proclaim winter will soon end.

I read somewhere that it was a German settlers in the states who started the tradition back in 1887 for using a groundhog to predict the end of the winter season.  Kind of a farmers almanac to set your planting watch by I guess.

I have a feeling that even back in 1887 people found February as boring as we do today and realized we needed something to mark this calendar month.  Thank God we Canadians also realized that wasn't enough and we needed a break from the dull-drum of winter thus, the creation of "Family Day" on Feb 15.

So, in closing, I'd just like to say that I hope your day is shadowless and bright with the hope that the cold, long winter days will so be over!

Happy Groundhog Day!

A New Month - February

There are two points I wish to make here and one is that the first day of a new month always feels like a fresh start. Two, it's February and despite having the reputation for being one of the most boring months, I still think new and exciting things can happen.

Therefore, let us not scoff at the cold and uneventful month and try to make it a month to remember and look forward to. Hopefully, I can come up with some new material to post...that's something anyway!

Happy February Everyone!

The Longest Year

Ever recall a year,
that started with an end
and ended with a start?

The longest year ever,
where everything you did
was not very smart?

I just had such a year,
where depair dragged on
stabbing me in the heart.

But now that year is over,
and some how I survived it
without taking a poision dart.

Finally, The Longest Year,
that started with an end
has ended with a start.

China Rose

Like a yellow china rose,
that the sun has kissed and froze,
Her delicate porcelain skin,
hides much more beauty within.

Sunny and so very bright,
she’s still softer than the light.
A true and giving friend
she won’t be broken by the strongest wind.

Ageless wisdom before her time,
she’s earned every thorn upon her vine.
Still, as the years carry on,
her beauty grows with every dawn.

Like a yellow china rose,
that the sun has kissed and froze.
I will see her through all time,
as a precious spirit that will never die.

Foundations

When a seed is planted
it needs the earth to grow.
But the soil can’t do it’s job
without the rain, you know.

Now the seed’s a sapling
and the sun is called upon
to share it’s warmth and direction
as the sapling grows on and on.

With time and much care
a beautiful tree stands tall.
A tree of many branches
with colourful leaves in the fall.

And even through the wind storms
and the cold, icy snow
the tree’s branches still live on
waiting for the spring, to grow.

When we stop and think
of how it all began
We know it’s the firm foundation
who’s undying support, ensured the tree would
stand.

Love ?

Wish I could say, “Don’t go”
Wish I could’ve said “no”
But I was blind
To your kind
Of love.

Wish I could believe you now
Wish I could’ve stopped somehow
But I was numb
And under the thumb
Of love.

What is there to this thing?
Where we see cupid wings
And hearts and stars
And we think the world is ours
For love.

What is “the fall” all about?
Where we have no doubt
And we feel no pain
And we think we sustain
For love.

How does it happen?
When it all starts crashin’
And you can’t imagine
What you were thinkin’?

You want to erase it
Forget, and replace it
But no matter what you do
The memories come through
Of love.

You wish you never started
Cause now you’re broken-hearted
And the tears start to pool
As you feel like a fool
For love.

One day you know it will end
The day you find a new friend
But until that day is here
You have nothing to fear
But love.

Industrial Wasteland

Drove through the Park today
Came across some closed gate
A sign in front, just to say
“Our greed sealed our own fate”

Not one, but two and more
Gates of giants closed with bars
Strikers wandering, their only chore
No more lines to build those cars.

It’s all just an Industrial Wasteland
A tired space where no one stands
The wind and weeds will overtake
Since there’s nothing left there to make.

It’s just a shame
It’s just a crime
We’re all to blame
We’re short on time.

They ruled the market
And sucked us all in
With their profit target
And crooked Union.

It’s all just an Industrial Wasteland
A tired space where no one stands
The wind and weeds will overtake
Since there’s nothing left there to make.

Now jobless and homeless
Their victims piled high
Our taxes now support the mess
And all we can do is cry.

We all must now live differently
And forget the tragic past
Learn from those who wisely
Lived so they would last.

It’s all just an Industrial Wasteland
A tired space where no one stands
The wind and weeds will overtake
Since there’s nothing left there to make.

Beautiful Creatures

I see them run across the field.
The gentle power of their beauty is more than majestic,
Not less than perfection.

The shinny coat of many colours,
Is like the canyon they run through.
Each one has their own pattern of distinctiveness,
Reflective of their individual personalities.

The freedom I feel while watching them,
Is overwhelming and I can’t help but wish
I was one too.

As wild as they appear, they are aware of me
And seem to be kicking up their heels to impress me,
But they already impressed me,
So very long ago.

Soon, they sense my sadness that I can’t join them
And one breaks from the rest and comes toward me
Almost as if to say good-bye.

We look each other in the eye.
He nodes and shakes his kingly head
And like a flash of lightening,
He’s gone, leading the others off
In a fast race to find the sunset.

I’m left to wonder what God was thinking
When he created these beautiful creatures?
In my arrogance, I’d like to think
He knew just how much I needed them.

Thank You God for Beautiful Creatures